I’m realizing something about myself lately — something I didn’t have the language for until recently. I’m moving through stages. Not quick ones. Not pretty ones. But real ones. A journey to healing I didn’t even know I had started.
For much of my childhood, I labeled mistreatment and abuse as normal. As I matured, I found ways to minimize it. I explained it away. Survived it. But healing has a way of quietly tapping you on the shoulder and saying, “Look again.”
Tough relationships, childhood pain, false accusations…. these unfortunate circumstances can lead to emotional baggage and health problems if not properly addressed. When I finally confronted it, and stopped wishing for, or imagining a better reality, but actually confronted the pain and memories I had buried, here’s what I saw:
Awareness
The first shift was simply noticing what I used to ignore. Seeing the patterns. Remembering what I previously wanted to forget. Feeling the sting I used to numb with busyness and self-sacrifice. Realizing, “Oh… that wasn’t okay. That was far from okay. That was bad!” Ephesians 5:13“But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light [of God’s precepts], for it is light that makes everything visible.”
Realization
Then came the truth I had been conditioned to ignore- I deserved better. I didn’t have to accept the mistreatment. I wasn’t created to live under someone else’s brokenness. Nor does God want me to stay there. Psalm 18:19“He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me.”
Clarification
Naming the behavior gave me strength to reject it. Honestly, accurately, transparently Calling it what it was — not what I wished it had been — actually brought a strange kind of peace. Truth always does. John 8:32 “… the truth will set you free.” I was able to name the gaslighting and projection. I could recognize their patterns of reframing and devaluation.
Self Reflection
In the middle of my healing journey, God gently opened my eyes to something I hadn’t wanted to see: the same patterns that wounded me had shown up in my own reactions. Not because I wanted to repeat them, but because hurt has a way of shaping us when we’re trying to cope. That realization wasn’t condemnation — it was invitation. An invitation to let God heal not only what was done to me, but also what had begun to grow in me.
Understanding
And then came the deeper layer: recognizing the spiritual reality behind their behavior. It was Sin. Their narcissistic patterns were choices they made. Their rejection of God’s way on many levels. Not because I was better, or wanted to put them down, but because I needed to understand the why behind the wounds. I understood the kind of sins described when Romans 1:24 says “God gave them over to the sinful desires of their hearts…” I know how it feels to give into the sin nature, to let anger spill over onto others. To do things my own way. I understood the choices they made in those split seconds before behavior became harm. But I still needed to move on from understanding or I could easily sit in bitterness.
Forgiveness
This one is messy. Forgiveness isn’t pretending it didn’t happen. Forgiveness isn’t ignoring the effects it had on me. It’s acknowledging the sin, acknowledging the hurt, and choosing not to carry the weight of it anymore. It’s releasing their choices from my hands and placing them in God’s. As often as I can! It was also asking for forgiveness, from God, from others, from myself.
Empathy
This is the step I’m still on. Separating the sin from the sinner. Seeing the human beneath the harm as the battle is spiritual (Eph 6:12). Remembering that God loves them too — even when I’m still healing from what they do. Knowing they are on their own journey, and praying they receive their own healing.
And somewhere in the middle of all of this, I’m learning what honor looks like, while guarding my heart. (Prov 4:23) How to walk in love without walking back into bondage. How to be kind without being unsafe. How to be Christlike without being a doormat. How to set and maintain healthy boundaries. When and how to walk away. These are painful, and long steps in the journey.
Revealed truth
When I look back now, I can see the steps that God revealed and carried me gently through. I couldn’t see them while I was in them — but I see them now. And maybe that’s the quiet miracle of healing: God lets you look back and finally understand the path He was leading you through all along.
Daniel 2:22 “He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him.”
Proverbs 2:10-11 “For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.”
Part of Motherhood is Healing from Childhood
The Mom Job 24/7 
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing your journey.